Technically
by Phoebe Miller
Summary: 912 Coda - what the heart wants is often a mess.


_**Here's a little shorty of a coda for 912. I'll admit to being taken aback by the ending of the episode. Maybe a brief flash of outrage. No! Danny and Rachel can't get back together! But as someone told me - the heart wants what it wants. And TV show writers LOVE to mess with our heads. This was my way of dealing with the shock.**_

* * *

Danny would always love her. That fact he knew for sure.

But he also knew better. He'd been down that road twice.

Love did not equal stability. It didn't mean you should be with someone. Love didn't mean you'd be free from pain.

As he watched her from across the room, his heart swelled and he couldn't control the huge smile on his face. The mother of his children, she would always be special. He'd still fantasize about her. He'd still long to be at her side. Forever.

But he knew better.

Choices made a life. Some things would never stop stinging.

There were days he couldn't look at his son without thinking about the time he'd missed.

Days when he remembered how much it hurt to think about losing Grace.

He'd travel the world to be close to his kids.

Uprooting his life and tossing other relationships aside. He didn't want to do that again. He didn't want to relive that destruction.

But man, did he want to wrap his arms around her...breathe her in deeply...run his hands over her soft skin. _God, how did she always smell so good?_

His body responded simply from memories. Watching her laugh and smile and simply move...tore him apart inside.

Steve didn't help either. Some days he cursed him for even talking to her. _Be careful he said._ _She's not good for you._ _She'll hurt you again._ Danny wanted to lash out - and sometimes he did. _What the hell did Steve know?_ Catherine kept popping up like a bad penny. Steve was no better than him at relationships, and it showed.

Days like today, Steve watched and smiled approvingly. Almost egging him on. Pushing him toward Rachel, which made no sense.

He didn't blame him, though. The big smile on his face probably confused Steve. And in the end, the giant goof would do whatever it took to make his best friend happy.

Danny hated mixed messages, especially when he was sending them. He hated lies. He hated this mess that was his life.

Deep down, what he feared was he'd never find someone like her again.

Things didn't work with Melissa. Not that he thought they would. She was more than a fling, but she'd never be Rachel.

He hated his life.

Except for his kids and his goofy best friend. Who was practically a kid. A very dangerous and scary man, but a child at heart, nonetheless. No matter how much he protested.

The race car bed was proof enough.

Danny laughed as Steve carried Charlie on his shoulders, growling and snorting. Charlie kicking and howling with glee.

Then his gaze fell to Grace who was also watching her uncle and brother. The smile on her bruised face lit Danny up in ways he hoped he'd never feel again. Relief and pain and exhaustion and a thousand other things that came with staring into the abyss of loss. Twice now he'd come close to losing her. It was all too bittersweet, and his eyes watered.

He had to step away from the party. So, he crept back to his room and sat on his bed. The sheets still rumpled. Sighing, he closed his eyes and dreamed about crawling under the cool covers and taking a nap.

"Hey buddy."

Danny turned to see Steve standing in the doorway.

"Why don't you lie down for a bit? I'll run interference."

"Nah, I don't want to miss it."

"Grace sent me back here."

"She did?"

"Yea, she saw you get up."

Danny nodded and let the tears fall. His daughter was just like him. Always looking out for others.

"I don't know how you're still on your feet."

Tapping the bed, Danny sighed with just a hint of a chuckle. "Technically..."

Steve flopped beside him, big eye roll. "Technically..."

* * *

 _ **Technically this is barely a story. I hope you enjoy it anyway. Take care of each other and find joy where you can.**_


End file.
